The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
pop tarts are not kleenex
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
