Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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