The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
