I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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