im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
