Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
