i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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