So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
