Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
