So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
