drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The air taste purple.
Randomize
