How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
