i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
