We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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