i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize