Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
