So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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