He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
