The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
