hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
