I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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