they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
