We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
