We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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