Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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