Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's blow job season.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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