I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
