I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
