just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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