well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
farters have to be the big spoon...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
