Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
