i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You ruined the universe
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
