Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
