He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
