Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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