i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
