I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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