Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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