she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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