i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
