she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Gay?
German.
Pity.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
