when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
