I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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