is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
