God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
