We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
