i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
