Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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