somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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