Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
