bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
