She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
