everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
