just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize