he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
