Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
