Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
