Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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