he shaved USA in his pubs
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
