Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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