when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
