my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
this hospital has no fireball
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
