Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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