you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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