My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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