I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
