Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
