Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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