Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
