he wants to bone in the snuggie
Life is so much better after having sex.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You were trust falling into bushes
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
