i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
